Chapter 1

I looked over at him. Him, the guy I am supposed to be in love with. He held my arm so I couldn’t get away from the scene which was happening in front of my eyes. He was kicking my friend while he was down. When he said “I won’t let anyone make you cry” I didn’t realise he meant anyone. He finally stopped when my friend, Ronald, was on the floor bleeding to death. I had tears in my eyes.

“Grell” he spoke, “no one is allowed to make you cry.” The devil spoke so calmly, but I wasn’t crying because of Ronald now. I was crying because of him. He put his hand on my cheek and I slapped it away.

“Get off Sebastian! Don’t ever touch me!” My sentence was followed by a string of curse words as I sat down next to Ronald and laid his head in my lap. Ronald had upset me earlier, but that is only because I found out about him self-harming and wasn’t happy about it. I cannot forgive Sebastian for this though. He went too far, like always.

Ronald did not make a full recovery. He was in the hospital for a few days and after that, what ever reason he had for cutting intensified greatly and it was all because of Sebastian. Because of Sebastian, I was losing my friend. Within a week of Ronald leaving the hospital, he was back in there. I do not know what is happening in his head, but I wish it wasn’t happening. Will and I visited him everyday while he was in there. I never knew Will cared so much for him, well maybe he doesn’t but I know for a fact that Will cares for me. It’s gossip all around the office. “William T Spears has a thing for Grell Sutcliff.” Did I believe it at first? Of course not. Why would I? Will has never given me a reason to believe that he cares for me, not even after I had a sex change to become fully female.

When Ronald woke up, and we were there, his face smiled. I didn’t see his eyes smile though. That is how I knew that his smile was fake. I do not think Will picked up on the fake smile, which is understandable because Will is not good with emotions.

“I am glad you are feeling better Knox” William spoke. I felt sorry for Will right now. The man didn’t know what Ronald was feeling. He couldn’t have. Will’s eyes showed that he didn’t want to be here and his cold face confirmed it. Ronald would pick up on that. I took Will aside for a moment and looked at him. Will’s gorgeous brown hair was a mess, which I thought made him look even more handsome; however, he combed it back into place like a teenager wanting to be accepted.

“Will, Ronald isn’t feeling better. His face says ‘happy’ but his eyes say ‘kill me’. ” I tried to tell Will. He wasn’t understanding what I was talking about though. I let out a sigh. “Go wait outside. I will join you in a minute, then we can go for a drink” I spoke. He sighed. Will doesn’t drink, and I know that, but I do and I need a drink right now. Will did as he was told and waited outside of the room while I talked to Ronald.

“Grell… I am so sorry” Ronald uttered but I put my finger over his mouth.

“Don’t” I said.

Ronald frowned and I kissed his cheek. I guess he wasn’t expecting that since he blushed greatly and looked away. It didn’t mean anything in a romantic matter though. Ronald was my best friend, and he knew that. He knew that we would stay friends forever.

“I understand that you want to die. For whatever reason it is, I understand. I have been in that same position. In fact I was in and out of hospital constantly and it was annoying William because I never got any of my work done.” I closed my eyes. This was hard for me to tell. I hadn’t share that before. “So I know that suicide is useless. It doesn’t solve your problems, it just creates more for you and the people around you.”

Ronald nodded. I don’t know if he would listen, but he definitely understood.

Not wanting to keep Will waiting, I gave him a hug and left him. I told him I would be back tomorrow and I would certainly show up again. We went for that drink, which was as eventful as watching paint dry… Until… Will changed his drink. He was refusing to drink alcohol at first, but then he asked to try my drink. I let him have a mouthful and then he was getting the rounds in. He got so drunk, it was funny.

I helped Will get home and got him a coffee. This night will come round to bite him tomorrow when the hangover hits. He sat and drank the coffee, trying to sober up. I was sat on the floor, leaning sideways against his couch looking up at him.

“Grell. I do not know what love is” he spoke. Well it was obvious that Will didn’t know what love is. He doesn’t know what any emotion is right?

“Yeah I know.” I told him.

“But you do. And I realised something earlier. Today is October 31st” Will spoke, “Your birthday.”

I hadn’t even realised the date through everything that had happened.

“Well it is a good job my favourite man took me out for a drink then, isn’t it?” I smiled. William nodded.

“I have never said this, but happy birthday.” The saint of the evening looked like he was about to be sick. The way he was facing, he would be sick on me.

He pulled himself off the couch and collapsed on top of me. I don’t know what he was aiming for, and I don’t think he did either. He had his head in my chest and was stroking my hair like I was a puppy. The man was definitely drunk out of his mind.

I had to stay at Will’s, he was so drunk and I didn’t want him to hurt himself on anything. That was a mistake. He fell asleep on my chest. I put him to bed and slept on the couch. When the morning came I was awoken by a grumpy William who wanted answers.

“Sutcliff. What happened?” He asked and winced as he rose his voice a little and it hurt his head. I said that he would get a hangover.

“You took me out for a drink for my birthday” I answered his questions. He sat down.

“So why are you still in my house? Please leave.”

“But Will I-”

“Please leave.”

I got up and grabbed my coat then I walked to the front door.

“If that is how you treat the people who care for you then stay out of my life” I said boldly and walked out the door, slamming it to hurt his head. I instantly regretted doing that. Will was such a nice person sometimes, now we were to go back to barely knowing each other. The last time we did that was when I told him I had gotten with Sebastian. He soon came round with that because he ‘cares’ for me, but he hurt me. As far as I am concerned he went too far.

It started to rain. Such a lovely beginning to a day. Get yelled at by Will and then leave when it starts to rain. I aren’t going to go back home or to work, I am gonna go see Ronnie in the hospital.

I wasn’t alone when I got there. A doctor was there. Dark short hair, thin, not at all ugly. Totally someone I could win over. I entered the room, which interrupted his conversation with Ronald. The doctor looked over at me. He wasn’t human. I saw that right off the bat. He glanced me a smile and then left the room.

“The look on your face is priceless right now” Ronald said. I pouted. “Find him attractive do you?” He was teasing me and I didn’t like it.

“What did he say to you?” I asked, desperately trying to change the subject of the conversation.

“Oh, I am allowed to go home, as long as I rest.” Ronald told me. I smiled at the news. The conversation went stagnant after that until Ronald said, “do you want to stay at my house tonight?” Of course I agreed, my best friend had just asked me for a sleepover and I wanted to avoid William.

I helped him back to his house. He was still a bit weak from the attempt, but tonight he was to relax… Or so I thought. I sat down and he sat on my lap. Laughing, I pushed him off. He laughed aswell but then cuddled close and laid his head on my shoulder.

“Everything alright Ron?” I asked.

“I didn’t get to give you your birthday present yesterday.” Said Ronald. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips. Now I have never seen Ronald as anything more than a friend, but that kiss was nice. Obviously I kissed back, and obviously I let him do everything else to me. I wasn’t scared to have coitus with my friend, I have done it before. This time was different to the other times that me and Ronald had done it. Today he was gentle and passionate.

Afterwards, when we were cuddling, I asked him why he had self harmed.

“My girl got killed on a job” he said. To be honest, I didn’t think Ronald was committed to a relationship. I know that I have only ever committed to one relationship (Sebastian) and that hurt like Hell- pun not intended. I guess Ronald is capable of having a committed relationship. It was difficult for me not to feel sorry for him, even though I didn’t know he was even in a relationship.

“I’m sorry.” I said. He kissed my cheek.

“It’s not your fault Grell. Can you do something for me though?”


“Will you be my temporary girlfriend? You know a rebound.” I looked at him. What do I say to that? Should I just say yes? If he is just after sex, then all he has to do is ask. I honestly didn’t know what to say but I responded.

“Sure, I mean I just lost Will and Sebastian, so I could do with the comfort too.” I said. He caressed my cheek.

“Thank you. I’ll get you that doctors number though. He’s called Jack and he works in reaper care.”

“He’s not a reaper though!” I exclaimed. Ronald laughed. I bet I sounded pathetic then. “He’s a demon.”

“And that bothers you? You were with Sebastian for how long? Species bothers you now?” He asked. I slapped him gently. “Sorry. I’ll still get you his number though.” That was the end of the conversation about Jack. There is no way I wanted to continue that, especially since it started to get personal. Besides, I had just committed to being Ronald’s new girlfriend and play thing.

I had yet to figure out what would come out of me being a rebound. I know it meant I was sexually active again, which isn’t something I would get if I had asked William to be my boyfriend. My sex change means I can’t get pregnant so the sex is physically exhilarating. Sex isn’t something embarrassing, you just get on with it. The humans may think that it is something you only do when you are a “Prostitute” or married, but us reapers just do it. How else are babies born? I’m joking of course. I don’t even think reapers can give birth and I know for a fact that I can’t. By getting the sex change, I got my dream of being female, but I lost every shot of having a child. Of course I can adopt, but I need to be in a full time married relationship for that, and the children won’t be reapers, they will be human. That’s pretty terrifying to be brutally honest. If I adopt a child, it won’t outlive me unless I die on the job. That isn’t something I want. I always told myself that if I had a child, it would see me die before I saw it die. That’s how it is meant to be right? But humans are such weak and feeble creatures. It would be painful.

I had to tell myself everyday that Ronald only wanted me as a rebound. It was what I needed to do to stop myself falling in love with him. Not that I could help falling for the guy giving me pleasure and making me feel like a queen. If this rebound thing ends, I am going to get hurt and Ronald isn’t going to be able to say why.

When I finally pushed myself to go to work (which was also the day Ronald went back) I sat at the desk and did my paperwork for the first time ever. Ronald walked over to me and took my hand.

“I want everyone to know of our relationship” Ronald said and led me to his desk. “For now, you are my work.” He smirked and sat down. I sat on his lap smiling and he kissed me.

I could hear the gossip go around the office based off what me and Ronald were doing. The chance came for me to listen to them while he moved his kisses to my neck and left a hickey on my neck. The best thing I heard, which lots of people agreed on, was ‘Them two were born to be together.’ I am not sure if I agree with that, but this was nice. Not only did the kisses feel good, but it also felt good to hear people speaking about me in a nice way and not hearing ‘that slut is still with the demon.’ I hated hearing that. When are people going to learn that mistakes happen and Sebastian is hot? Well, I guess he was hot to me- not everyone. There will be those people who disagree.

Work got easier for a while, not having to worry about impressing Will because I knew it wasn’t going to impress him. On the other hand, I started to get distracted more. It was all: ‘Hey Grell, want to go for a drink.’ or it was ‘Grell I want to go have sex, which place we doing it at?’ Okay the second one makes me seem like a bit of a tart, but I don’t care. I was finally in a committed relationship that wasn’t heartbreaking and abusive. Honestly, I started to fall deeply in love with Ronald. I wanted it to last forever.