Sex has never meant anything to me. Not really. It’s not intimate. It’s not important. It’s just a bit of harmless fun. Or it should have been. I didn’t think that it would ever harm me. I was always careful. I was checked regularly for STIs and I always used protection… Nearly always. Believe it or not, I know what I’m doing. I’ve slept with 108 women in my life (and 3 guys). That sounds bad, doesn’t it. But to be honest, I did start my obsession with sex at quite a young age. It was never too hard to pick someone up. People usually wanted me. The videos of me online having sex have millions of views. I guess it makes me feel wanted. It’s hard to feel wanted and cared for in today’s world.
Okay, so let me tell you what is happening right now. I’m at a birthday party for Steve Rogers. That’s right, Captain America is turning a hundred and something. I don’t actually know his age. I’m sure I can work it out. Born July 4th 19 something. Yeah, no. I’ve had too much to drink to care about an age. Anyway. It’s a party!
My arms are wrapped around Natasha and we are swaying. She’s as drunk as I am. But nothing will ever happen here. Not again anyway. She told me that if she ever woke up next to me and there was an indication that anything had happened while we were drunk, then I can say goodbye to my crown jewels. Nevermind. There is pleanty of other people here that I can try and get with.
“Tony.” Nat said, looking up at me. “I’m going to go dance with Thor. You take the other one.” She laughed and stumbled over to the God of thunder. Who was the other one? Oh.
I walked over to them and there he was. Loki. The other God. Right.
“Hey. Reindeer games. Come dance with me.” I took his hand and dragged him up from his seat.
“I am not in the mood. And you are clearly intoxicated.” He said. He wasn’t really getting an option though. I wrapped my arms around him, my head plonking onto his chest as I swayed with him. He let out a sigh. I could feel the eyeroll. It just made me laugh. “I think we should get you to bed.” He said and peeled me off his chest.
“Kinky.” I said. He was frowning. He picked me up over his shoulder and carried me to a room. It wasn’t my room. I don’t think it was his. Too plain. No one lives here. He laid me in the bed and started to tuck me in. I pulled the covers instantly off and started to remove my shirt. “Kiss me here.” I’m not sure where I pointed. It was somewhere on my chest. “Love me. I love you so love me”
“No.” He put the covers back over me. “Go to sleep. I’ll fetch you something to catch your sick in when you inevitably throw up.” And then he left. I closed my eyes. Oh the world was spinning.
Was what just happened real? I don’t know. Could have been a dream. I woke up in the early hours and there was a bucket next to me. Someone had clearly put me to bed. Doubt it was Loki. It was probably Steve. Why would I dream Loki though? Was he at the party? I don’t even remember. I need a coffee.
I stumbled out of bed. Once I had thrown up I felt a lot better. Natasha was laid on Thor’s chest in the middle of the common room. Okay, so maybe last night wasn’t a dream? That means…
My hand went over my face. How embarrassing… I really did all those things. Said all that to Loki. Great…